Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
