I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
