I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
