marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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