She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
