This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
