Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
