You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
