OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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