3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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