THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
