yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
