everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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