Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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