god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I only lived at night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
