Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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