The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
