Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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