just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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