Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
