she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The best revenge is premature balding
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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