sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
