My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
