He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
