Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
