the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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