I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
