Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
