So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
