i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
