I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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