Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
