Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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