GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
