i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
