I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
