he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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