ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
