Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
