He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
