Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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