I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
