She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
