I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
