The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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