i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I touched a dick in church today
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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