That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
