his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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