Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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