well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
